How many times have you said that? How many times has it worked?
Youuuuuch. Gretchen, stop trying to make fetch happen. And just like fetch is not going to happen, neither will changing your life if you don't quit self sabotaging.
Girlfriend, we have all done it at one (okay, manyyyyyy) points in life. Most people tell you "just gtfover it and go do your work". That's cool and all, and it works for a little, but it doesn't create sustainable change: you just end up back where you started once that initial push is over.